Healing Your Inner Child with Anat Peri

Anat Pari, an inner child expert with over a decade of experience, shares her powerful methodology for helping people break free from survival mode and become empowered creators in their own lives.

• The distinction between traditional mindset work that "trims weeds" versus deep healing that addresses root causes
• How childhood experiences shape our adult patterns even without major trauma
• The five stages of healing: awareness, acceptance, getting to the root, reparenting, and integration
• Learning to work with your nervous system to cultivate safety instead of constant protection
• Using the "90-second rule" to fully express emotions and allow your nervous system to metabolize them
• Why integration takes an average of 18 months for significant life changes
• Understanding your "bodyguards" – the protective mechanisms that take over when you don't feel safe
• Developing emotional resilience by learning to ride the waves in the ocean of your emotions

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to embark on the deep healing journey. With today's resources and knowledge, we have everything we need to transform our lives and end generational trauma. As Anat says, "The only way to feel better is to get better at feeling."

Check Anat Peri out at: https://trainingcampforthesoul.com/

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Chapters

• 0:00 Meeting Inner Child Expert Anat Pari
• 2:09 From Anxiety to Inner Peace
• 8:56 Walking Through the Burning Forest
• 16:34 Identifying Your Protective Bodyguards
• 22:27 The Ocean of Emotions
• 30:14 90-Second Emotional Processing Method
• 36:19 Five Stages of Healing
• 43:29 Integration and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back to Advancing with Amy, mental Health Warrior and NeuroSpicyMama. Today, we're diving deep into the world of emotional resilience and inner child healing with my guest, anat Pari. Anat is an inner child expert who has spent over a decade helping people break free from survival mode and step into the role of empowered creators in their own lives. She guides others to truly feel their emotions, both the hard and the joyful, and to learn how to reparent themselves so they can finally find peace, freedom and resilience. This conversation is packed with wisdom and I can't wait for you to hear it. All right, today we're talking to Anat Pari. Welcome, anat. Thank you, amy. Great to be here. Oh, it's great to have you. So tell me a little bit about what you do and why you do it.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Yeah, so for the past 10 years I've been guiding individuals to unlearn what they learned from childhood and to really take the driver's seat back, so to speak, from operating in any kind of survival in their life to knowing themselves as creators. I really teach people how to feel their feelings like, how to feel empowered, to be with the unpleasant all the way to the pleasant emotions. Call myself an inner child expert, so really uniting you to reconnect with your inner child, which to me, is the part of us that holds all of our emotions and just wants validation and acknowledgement. And so for us to learn again what it is to hold ourselves, to be able to be our biggest cheerleader through whatever we're experiencing, and validate and acknowledge that.

Speaker 1: 2:02

What led you to your inner child work and emotional resilience? It sounds like you've got a mission here. Why is that? Where did it come?

Speaker 2: 2:09

from. Yeah, I think what led me here was, I think, a divine calling. I'm just a vessel for this work to come through. If I were to give it in like you know, big picture here. But personally, my experience of growing up in a household where emotions weren't validated and my mother's motto was always just just think positive, everything's fine. And you know she really meant well. She was very caring and loving as best as she knew how, and to her that made the most sense.

Speaker 2: 2:45

But the way that it impacted me is that it didn't teach me how to deal with difficult emotions and sensations. There was no resiliency there. There was constant me as I got older into my teenage years, just collapsing into hopelessness and feeling like I need someone else to save me. So it would look like depending on my friends to make me feel better, calling them up and dumping all my problems on them. Or, in romantic relationships, being the one to always want to please and appease, because I didn't want to feel the discomfort of anything. Appease because I didn't want to feel the discomfort of anything but love. I didn't want that separation.

Speaker 2: 3:30

So it led to a lot of codependency as well and in my 20s it was like just constant anxiety and inability to be with myself, to be with myself. When I was alone myself, there was this constant anxious feeling in my chest. It felt like a black hole Wow, that can never be killed, and like it was moving constantly and so I would need to be constantly distracting myself or keeping busy or just, and I just didn't know how to be with me and it led to, like I said, a lot of anxiety, a lot of a lot of just depressive thoughts and eventually hitting my own rock bottom. And, mind you, I was in the world of self-development and mindset work for like eight years at that point and what I didn't know so I've been in the self-development space for over 20 years and I'm 45 now and what I didn't know back then is that I was just trimming weeds, that everything in these programs, because back then we didn't have what we have today the, the access to all these healing modalities, instagram, podcasts to spread the knowledge about it.

Speaker 2: 4:54

It was mindset and nlp work, which which is neurolinguistic programming, which is part of the equation, like dealing with our mind and our thoughts and beliefs and the way that we talk to ourselves is part of it, but it didn't include the body, the energetics, the emotions that are there. And so I became someone that was very aware. I was very aware of all the weeds in my garden, but I didn't necessarily have the right tools to get to the root of it so that I could transform that garden. So it was a lot of churning and burning and when did that change?

Speaker 2: 5:50

and 12 years ago, when I had hit my rock bottom about 13 years ago, of five-year relationship coming to an end and I was living in New York City and I wasn't happy in my relationship or my career or anything. That's when I was like anxious and depressed, and when that relationship came to an end I was like, okay, well, I guess now I'm free to leave New York, it's really the only thing keeping me here, and I bought a one-way ticket to California, which is where I still live now. All I knew was my heart desired to be in California and I realized in that moment that, as much as I knew, like I still didn't have a clue as to what the heck I was doing, and it humbled me because I think the attitude of us East Coast New Yorkers is, you know, we think if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, and we're very forceful and driven and outgoing in that sense and controlling. But this wasn't something I could control. This was something I needed to learn to heal. And so, coming to California, I really shifted that perspective to allowing myself to just be and letting things come to me and exploring modalities I never did before, like yoga and meditation. And then I met my mentor, who was a body-mind psychologist for 40 years, and working with him was the first experience I ever had of what transformation is, which is not a walk in the park on a beautiful sunny day, but it's a walk through a burning forest and there's dragons to slay Meaning.

Speaker 2: 7:29

If you're not feeling the icky emotions, the unpleasant ones, if you're not crying your eyes out or screaming or angry or being things like, then you're just skimming the surface because that's there.

Speaker 2: 7:45

And so for the first time in that point, around 10 years of exploring myself, I finally had the tools to start to move through that and to connect to little Anat, to connect to my inner child and to identify the things that I learned from mom, mom being an extension of self and you really learn everything about yourself from mom.

Speaker 2: 8:11

You either copy or rebel, but she's your model for that. So I learned how to reparent that. I learned how to nurture little Anat the way she always wanted and needed, not like mom saying, oh, just think positive, you're fine, but actually holding myself through whatever emotion I was feeling and then reparenting what I learned from my dad, which is dad represents the first love of your life, he represents everything that's not the self, others, the world, your relationship to others, how you show up in the world. And growing up, my dad was wonderful, but he played the role of supporter, so he was always working and I didn't get enough time with daddy and so there was a big heartbreak there around not having time with the love of my life right, yeah, are your parents still around?

Speaker 2: 9:13

yeah, it's still around, still together, been married 50 years. So again, it's not like there was any quote-unquote big trauma that I experienced, but there was a lot of developmental trauma. Right, there's a lot of things that needed to be developed so that I could really feel that I could operate as an adult with healthy self-esteem and boundaries and ability to connect to my needs and want and ask for what I need and want and be responsible and accountable. So think of those as like subjects and mom and dad were, they either gave us functional learning or dysfunctional learning, and so getting to look at all that and start to unlearn what I learned and give myself that new foundation, the new learning so that I can recreate, reinvent myself. And there was a lot of grieving and sadness that was buried for me around not having time with my dad that I got to hold myself through and, on the other side of that experience of working with him for four months, the level of inner peace and freedom that I felt. I just wanted that for other people.

Speaker 1: 10:34

Oh yeah, that's beautiful, I really did.

Speaker 2: 10:37

And it was the first time in my life that I actually wanted to spend time with myself. I went off and I traveled for months because I just was like I just want to get with people. I actually want to be with me.

Speaker 1: 10:51

That's nice, yeah, beautiful. Sorry, did it change your relationship with those around you, your parents, your friends, your coworkers? Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 11:02

Absolutely yeah. It started to shift the relationship I had with my mom because I saw that she felt that she always still needed to mother me and as I learned to mother myself, there was a shift into more of friendship than like mother-daughter, in that sense, really me stepping up as an adult responsible. I quit my job by nine to five and traveled and then started my business. Now I'm going on next month will be 10 years. I would have never had the courage to do that without this relationship with myself. It shifted, yeah, my relationship with men. I was in repeated patterns of dating men that were emotionally unavailable because dad was emotionally unavailable, wasn't there for me, right? Yeah, now being with my husband for eight years, who's very emotionally intelligent and loves spending every moment with me.

Speaker 1: 12:10

Oh, that's.

Speaker 2: 12:11

nice, it's possible for everyone to rewrite their script. That being said, it's not easy. It's a walk through a burning forest and there's dragons, this way Meeting characters you've been playing because you learned to play those or you created them in order to survive. When you want to fire them from the movie of your life, they're not going down without a fight. I mean, really, what does that look like? What do I mean by that? It's that it's very familiar to our nervous system to continue to play those roles, and the journey to retrain the nervous system, to cultivate safety, to feel safe within and be able to let go of some of these protectors and bodyguards and patterns and behaviors, is a process, right, and that's a big. That's the work that I do now with my clients, but it's a process and so it's worth it.

Speaker 1: 13:14

Well, tell me a little bit about that process. What does that mean? To help someone work on their inner child? What does that really look like? I mean, you talked about walking through the forest, but what steps are you taking to get there?

Speaker 2: 14:21

Yeah, so there's five stages to healing, to transformation, and really walking through those stages that have been doing inner work, you can start to identify, possibly, what stage you're at or the stages that you skipped. Like when I started my healing journey 20 years ago and the modalities that were available then basically were stage one and stage five, I didn't realize I was skipping two, three and four. I didn't know what I didn't know, and I think it could be very frustrating for those of us that are on the healing journey and don't see any change over and over again, to be like it's hopeless and maybe this is never going to happen for me and I hope that in hearing what I'm about to share, what those stages are, it reignites your possibility again and that you understand, like what's been missing, why you haven't experienced it as lasting transformation. So stage one is a stage that's very common for all of us that embark on discovering ourselves. It's awareness, and a lot of us become aware of certain things. That's what leads us to go work with a coach or a therapist or listen to a podcast or read a book or all that. It's awareness of something that we want to change some habits and behavior. There's a lot more, to even explore in awareness, of learning to become aware of not only the beliefs and the stories that you tell yourself, the ways that you protect yourself, whether it's dissociating from your body or pleasing and appeasing, or needing to control, or needing to perform and accomplish, or just enduring everything right.

Speaker 2: 16:24

These are what I call our bodyguards, that when we don't know how to feel safe, the bodyguards say get in the back seat, we're taking over, and people could be operating their whole life being in the back seat and their bodyguards running the show. And there's beautiful gifts to these bodyguards. But there's also shadows, distortions to them, and so somebody could be aggressive and the gifts of that is that they're very charismatic, very charming, good salespeople, so they may be successful in their career because they know how to lead, they know how to sell. But the shadow side of it is that they go home and they're aggressive and they yell and they're impatient. They yell at their wife and their kids and then their wife leaves them, their kids and then their wife leaves them. So the opportunity is to start to identify what are my protectors, who are my bodyguards? What takes over when I don't feel safe? What shows up? And so there's a lot more that people can explore, even just in stage one of awareness, as well as the beliefs that we learned and seeing how they came to be, whether it's from mom or from dad, like what it was that happened. So that's the exploration of stage one.

Speaker 2: 17:49

Stage two is all about acceptance. It's the somatic stage, somatic being in the body, like the energy, the emotions feeling and moving through that. And acceptance is nothing to change, nothing to fix, just to learn to ride the wave. I love to give the metaphor of every person has an ocean of their emotion. And in this stage two it's the getting in the water. Right, it's learning to work with your nervous system, because your nervous system is always working for you. It's always listening for safety or threat. When it senses safety, it just learns whatever there is there and extends. When it senses safety, it just learns whatever there is there and extends. When it senses threat, it protects you, it puts you in fight.

Speaker 1: 18:45

Flight freeze, I've never thought of it that way, but that makes sense, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:51

And it responds 10 times faster than your conscious mind, which is why you could do all the mindset work, you could have all the best intentions in the world, but if it's not programmed as safe in your nervous system, it's not going to happen, because in 0.2 seconds your nervous system responds and in two seconds you become aware of it. So it's a very short amount of time two seconds, so you don't even notice. You're like what do you mean? I've become aware so fast. Yeah, but your nervous system still responds quicker. You know when you're driving on the highway and someone in front of you slams the brake suddenly.

Speaker 2: 19:35

Yeah, thank God for your nervous nervous system, because how quickly does it respond immediately, yeah, very quick, right, that's it right. And so in this stage we start to learn how to feel safe again, how to not tell our nervous system, uh-oh, this isn't safe, because the truth is, what's really not safe is like being chased by a tiger or a bear, and in those instances, yeah, you would start running, but your nervous system would kind of be like chat run. But most of the time what we think is a threat is not, and we have really desensitized ourselves. And it's mainly just because society and upbringing and parents and trauma tells us like, no, don't cry, don't feel that, don't do this, think positive, like my mom said. And so we forget, we forget how to express, my mom said, and so we forget, we forget how to express and instead we suppress. So most of us, they're suppressing a lot and with everything that you suppress, that's your nervous system working to protect you. And so there's people that are in constant heightened state of their nervous system being a protector and they're wondering why they can't be present and create in their life. They're in what I call survival, yeah. And so starting to retrain the nervous system to cultivate safety.

Speaker 2: 21:06

I have a free guided meditation on this on my website of like what is it to work with the breath and the body and sensation to speak to the nervous system in a way that creates safety, because sensations are the language of the nervous system. You know, instead of saying uh-oh, why do I feel this way? It's oh interesting. I'm feeling tension in my throat right now. It's like a tight ball and it's heavy and it's hot. That's neutral. You know. You're naming sensations. There's no judgment, good or bad, there is just curiosity there, and so starting to name those things is creating a space of safety and curiosity for you and your nervous system. To look behind door number two, you're like that's not scary behind there, let's go, let's go, let's be with it.

Speaker 1: 22:05

Does that mean you could change your initial responses? Like I'm a freezer, I just freeze when something is like scaring me so, and I don't want to do that, because then I'm not running or getting out, so can you change that Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 22:23

And Amy, give me an example of something that scares you, that has you freeze, that you don't want to feel that way about.

Speaker 1: 22:32

Someone going and yelling in my face and scream at me and cursing. I'm a social worker so sometimes I get in a situation where people have some issues and they're very aggressive.

Speaker 2: 22:44

Yeah, yeah, totally yeah. So you would want to practice what's called dual awareness. How can I be with them, like I'm not going to just like run off, but also tune into what's happening in my body, in my system, because I imagine when you freeze, you don't breathe and you probably dissociate from the neck down, yeah. So instead, what you want to do is make sure, even practicing this dual awareness, before you even have that experience of them yelling at you, even when they're sitting there and just talking to you calmly, you want to practice staying connected to yourself Right now, as you're listening to me. You want to practice not only hearing what I'm saying and being here with me, but being connected to your body. Like, am I breathing? Let me make sure I'm taking deep breath. You can listen and breathe, yeah, and observe whatever sensations are showing up in your body.

Speaker 2: 23:54

So my cultivating safety, meditation, all that starts to build that practice where it's automatic for you to know that you could be with other people and still stay connected to what's happening in your body, your system, and staying with your breath. And so then you know someone is yelling at you and obviously it's like you said're a social worker, so it's not like it's your partner yelling at you, which they shouldn't do. They're just projecting on you because they're really angry about something. For you to hold the space for them and notice where is it pinging you in your body. And it could be that it's something that, for you, has never been addressed, acknowledged, felt, healed, and that's why you don't have capacity for it oh.

Speaker 2: 24:53

I'm sure, yeah, right. So rebuilding the capacity for that, and it starts with naming the sensations and creating safety, which, to me, going back to my ocean metaphor, is the stretching in the wetsuit that you put on before you get into the Pacific Ocean, which is cold. You need a wetsuit, you're going to surf right, most of the year at least, and so that's the warm-up, but now you're in the water, you're in the ocean. Amy, can you control the waves? No, no. So why do we think we can control our?

Speaker 2: 25:33

emotion because we think we're responsible for everything right, or we try to, or we stand there and we're like why do I feel this way? I don't want to feel this way. How do I stop feeling this way? And then it's like. It's like being in the ocean, seeing the wave coming and being like I didn't want that big of a wave, I wanted a smaller wave. And then boom, it hits you. And so the opportunity is to learn to ride the waves, no matter what. And there was a Harvard trained neuroscientist that did a study that you could move to an emotion in 90 seconds if you're not judging it, resisting it, stuffing it down. And what is it to actually ride the wave, to actually express an emotion? Well, who expresses their emotion? Kids, right, you see a two, a three-year-old. They express. You see an adult, most of them suppress. So when you look at a two or three-year-old expressing their emotion, what do you see? Amy?

Speaker 1: 26:39

Sometimes you see joy. Sometimes you see joy, sometimes you see fear. It just depends on what's going on. But you see their true feelings.

Speaker 2: 26:47

But what do you witness? What do you see? Do they tell you that, or do you see movement, facial expression, sound?

Speaker 1: 26:56

All of them. They don't tell you that, but you see the smile and you hear the laughter and you see them jumping up and down, exactly so basically, you see some kind of body movement, some kind of facial expression and some kind of sound that emotes out of them.

Speaker 2: 27:19

So, in the example you're giving of a child that's really happy and joyful, you see them smiling, laughing and probably jumping or, like you know, swinging their arms around, right yeah. And when they're sad, it's the same. There's body language, there's facial expression, there's sound. This is what it is to express a feeling. This is what it is and how it is to ride the actual wave in the ocean of your emotion. Wow. So for 90 seconds, you set a timer, you identify what you're feeling and you can use something to support that.

Speaker 2: 28:02

That's called the mood meter and it's mood M-O-O-D. You can Google it Anyone right now. You can just Google mood meter and it'll pop up and it's a graph that has a hundred or so different words for our emotions and it's from Yale University for emotional intelligence and it's to expand our emotional vocabulary because it's limited. A lot of times people default to saying sad when they're not sad, when they're actually disheartened or disappointed or lonely, and if you knew that for 90 seconds you were going to express an emotion, wouldn't you want to be as accurate as possible with it? Oh yeah, Right, so you know, you warm up, right, you name sensation, you get in the water, you tune in with yourself and you're like what am I feeling?

Speaker 2: 28:56

I feel really, really sad. You look at the mood meter. You say, oh, actually, it's more that I feel discouraged right now. And for 90 seconds you imagine that you're an actor and your only job is to act out discouraged. You imagine that you're a three-year-old who's really discouraged and you act it out with your body, with facial. You just be an actor for 90 seconds. Express Act 90 seconds is actually a long period of time. Oh yeah, and not with words. We're not here to like talk and curse. We're here to just emote, express with facial expression, body language, movement. But those 90 seconds is enough time to retrain your nervous system. Wow, that's amazing. So you give it the data, like your programming computer so that it knows a new software. You're giving it data of oh, this is what sadness or disheartened feels like, or this is what joy feels like, or peace For some people it's the pleasant emotions they can't be with.

Speaker 2: 30:09

You take someone who's used to chaos or keeping busy and you put them on a beach in Hawaii and you'll find that they're going to get drunk and get into a fight with their partner because they don't know how to be with peace and calm. They need something to stimulate them. They need something to fight about? Yeah, because that's familiar to them chaos and busyness. They don't know how to just sit and relax. So, yeah, so just know it's not always the quote unquote, negative emotions which are really just unpleasant emotions. Sometimes it's the pleasant ones that people need to take 90 seconds and really celebrate and be in and bask in.

Speaker 1: 30:55

What happens after those 90 seconds?

Speaker 2: 30:58

Your nervous system metabolizes the energy and it discharges what's not necessary. And discharge can look like your eyes tearing. It can look like tremoring, the body shaking. It can look like hot flashes, cold flashes, yawning, burping, yes, burping. Not because you just had a soda or ate something. I've had clients burp, burp, burp, burp, burping, yes, burping. Not because you just had a soda or eat something. I've had clients burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, especially the ones that their pattern is to stuff their emotions down. Imagine if you stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff and suddenly you express like shaking the soda bottle. Of course there's going to be lots of burping, lots of air, lots of relief in that way.

Speaker 1: 31:49

How literal we can be.

Speaker 2: 31:50

Yeah, so those are some of the ways that the nervous system will start to metabolize the energy and discharge it and learn it so that the next time this happens, next time this emotion comes up for you, it may not even come to your awareness or it may take a few times for it to go from. This is so uncomfortable. I had a client this morning that was like why is feeling love and expressing love so uncomfortable to me? I'm like it's unfamiliar, it's not what was modeled or experienced.

Speaker 2: 32:28

How sad, okay, chaos and aggression is easy, right. There's like just not programmed in, so we get to program it in and practice and the next thing you know it becomes second. It's just like it's okay. And this is where the resilience comes in, the emotional resilience, the ability to know that, no matter what size wave in the ocean of your emotion, no matter what the wave is, you can ride it. And, just like you know, a lot of times when a surfer is in the ocean, they ride a wave and it doesn't always bring them to shore, it crashes and then they need another wave. Sometimes, after those 90 seconds of, let's say, expressing anger, suddenly now there's grief underneath it or disappointment, and so just riding those waves until you feel at peace.

Speaker 1: 33:23

Going back to what you said about resilience, that's a big word nowadays, and what does it really mean? What does it entail?

Speaker 2: 33:32

Yeah. So to me, resilience is the ability to know that, no matter what life hands you and you and I are both old enough to know that life does not stop handing you opportunities for growth and challenges, and both opportunities and challenges stir something up, stir some emotion up. So when those opportunities and challenges arise, are you going to collapse or are you going to meet it? And so the resiliency is the ability to expand into whatever shows up.

Speaker 1: 34:12

Could it be someone just making it through something and maybe not thriving, but getting through it, Of course?

Speaker 2: 34:20

that. Is it right? It's the. As long as you're not. It might not be a stride like. The challenge could be that your loved one is sick or that you lost your dog, or that a family member passes away. Can you handle grief, or you go through a divorce? Can you handle that? Or are you going to spiral into shame and then turn to vices like drugs or alcohol or this or that and feel like it's hopeless? What's the point of life?

Speaker 1: 34:53

So is this how you build resilience? Is working on your inner child?

Speaker 2: 34:58

Yeah, and your inner child is your emotion. The resilience comes from learning to work with your nervous system and getting in the water right, Getting in your body and feeling the emotions and sensations that are there.

Speaker 1: 35:12

Yeah, all right. What's one misconception that people have about your work and the emotional work that you do?

Speaker 2: 35:20

I think a misconception is that people that had a good childhood like I, grew up in a good childhood, good neighborhood and, yeah, mom and dad were good and I had friends, and nothing stands out obvious as like a major trauma for them that they don't think they need to heal their inner child. And again, it's not just the big traumas, it's the developmental traumas. Did mom and dad model healthy self-esteem to you, or boundaries, or expressing your needs or being vulnerable? Authentic affect how you're able to create and succeed as an adult in the most important areas of your life your relationships, your health, your money? Right, and sometimes it's not so obvious.

Speaker 2: 36:27

I've had many examples of clients working with me that don't know how to take time for themselves and take care of themselves. And so how was your relationship? Mom was great, mom was wonderful. Mommy was like always there for us, did everything for us, took care of the house. Did you ever see mom sit down or do anything for herself? No, so you might have learned from mom keep busy, put others first, don't do anything for you, right?

Speaker 1: 36:52

And here they are.

Speaker 2: 36:53

I haven't seen that and here they are now doing that with themselves, putting themselves last. So, even though mommy was wonderful, tended to all your needs, you learned to copy how she treated herself. So it's very complex. And this leads to stage three in the stages of healing, which is now that you've moved through the emotion, the energy that's there, which you could do through practices like breath work right, there's other ways to move energy, but why it's not enough on its own is that it's not dealing with. It's just stage two, and stage three is getting to the root. What's been programmed. It's handling the mind. Stage two handled the body, the emotions, the energy. Stage three is the subconscious.

Speaker 2: 37:46

Where did I learn this? Who modeled this to me? Mom or dad? Was it what I saw, what I heard or what I felt energetically from mom or dad? Did I copy, did I rebel? And so it's getting into the root of, like the scripts that you inherited. Who taught me this? And it's so important because if you don't rewrite the script, then you still have the same scripts that you're going to play out. So you can move through an emotion, great. But if you go out into the world and you're still behaving the same way, based on the beliefs of your script, you're just going to recreate the same experience again, that now you need to go and feel.

Speaker 1: 38:35

Yeah, Right now I'm trying to change the script with my mom. I noticed that whenever I talk to her I'm complaining or oh gosh, this is so awful, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I hadn't done that all day. But when I talk to her, that's what I do and I think that's because then she comes back with oh's gonna be okay, and you know all this stuff and I don't know. But I've been trying to change that and it's very hard yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:01

So now you can see. I imagine for you, amy, is that you're still looking for mom to to make you feel better, instead of learning how to hold little Amy.

Speaker 1: 39:13

Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2: 39:17

Yeah, and so this is stage three. And then stage four is the reparenting and rewiring learning to reparent the mother, giving yourself what you always needed and wanted from mom, and then the new beliefs that come up through that experience. And then stage five is integration. And stage five is the most important and longest stage. It's, on average, 18 months. Wow, with big areas of your life, big parts of your identity. You know if you've been a people pleaser your whole life. You know if you've been a people pleaser your whole life, it takes time to step into fully someone who has a voice and speak ups for themselves and boundaries and all that. It's a bridge that you're crossing from an old version of you to a new version of you.

Speaker 1: 40:15

So is this like cross or the in between of NLP and regular old psychology? Because, NLP is supposed to be so fast and psychology takes years and years. So I'm just wondering is this kind of an in-between stage?

Speaker 2: 40:22

I think it's a more embodied, complete stage where it requires action, requires getting out into the world and putting it into practice. You think about yourself like a plant in the garden when you pull out the weed and you plant the new seed, that seed doesn't sprout, bury fruit the next day. It has stages of germinating and then sprouting, and then growing and then blossoming. Right, we're the same way.

Speaker 2: 40:55

You think of an actor that you see on TV winning an Oscar winning performance. You think they learned that role in a day. No, they read the script, they took it on, but then it takes time. So there are stages to learning and those stages go from conscious incompetence like I'm not even aware that I do this thing to conscious incompetent oh shit, I do this thing to conscious competent. Now I have to intentionally bring practice to showing up in this new way, to unconscious competence. I don't even have to think about it, it's just who I am. So it's just the stages that it takes for us. Not with everything, some things can be immediate. But again, if it's been a big role in your life that shows up in so many areas, now you're retiring that role and stepping into a new one, yeah, it takes time to integrate it.

Speaker 1: 42:00

Wow, that makes complete sense.

Speaker 2: 42:03

And I think that a lot of people, because they don't realize that it takes that long and that you absolutely will fall off the horse, realize that it takes that long and that you absolutely will fall off the horse, you will set back a few times while you're integrating, because they don't realize that it could take that long. When they fall back, when they fall off the horse, they think that there's more to dig and to fix and there's not. And there's not. A lot of times there isn't, there's just compassion and forgiveness. Get back on and take action in alignment with that new version of yourself. If you've actually gone through the others and cleared it out, you've cleared it out. It's like being upset at a seed that you planted, as to like why, oh, my God, it's not giving me fruit. You don't need to uproot it, you need to water it. I love that.

Speaker 2: 42:58

So these are the stages and, like I said earlier on a lot of the mindset work with stage one awareness. So like, oh, you don't want to act that way, act this way instead. And it was missing the clearing out, you know, the reprogramming, the rewiring, the expression, the retraining, the nervous system. So so yeah, for those of you listening like what stage are you at? And in some areas you might be in stage one and in some areas you might be in stage four or stage five or stage two. But this is what I've been teaching for years. I have a certification program where I train people in my methodology and some people that have had training, that have been therapists, that have coached for years, and when they follow this with their clients, it works every time. It takes the guessing game out. It gives you the ability to meet your client where they're at, or, if it's you yourself, it gives you the ability, once you learn this, to meet yourself where you're actually at and complete the rest.

Speaker 1: 44:07

Wow, it looks like this really lights you up. Has it changed since you started Things that you find that are different, or maybe don't light you up as much as they did?

Speaker 2: 44:17

and then it evolved because I had clients that would say this is incredible, I want to learn to do what you do. And I heard that for three years and I was like I don't know how to teach this because some of so much of it was just channeled through me. It's so different to teach it. But then, hearing it more and more my fourth year in business, I was like, okay, this is the year that I actually pay attention to what I'm doing and start to break it into steps and I gave you the five stages, but there's so much more in each one. Yeah, pretty, and it was a perfect time.

Speaker 2: 45:06

I did it because a year later, covid hit and the world needed it, and that was five years ago. And, which is crazy to say, god, covid was five years ago and that's when I launched my beta version of it and then I had it open to just graduates of my work for three years and then I opened it up to the public and now I'm going into my 10th cohort of my certification program and now it is a certification program. It's 200 hours, very refined, and so a lot has evolved and a lot of new things. I've gotten deeper with the way that I understand the nervous system and the way that I work with the nervous system, and the 90 seconds of riding a wave wasn't something that was part of my methodology three years ago. So, yeah, so there's been a lot of growth, a lot of evolution.

Speaker 2: 45:53

It feels pretty, pretty complete now, but you still never know. Right. Right, it does light me up, you asked me. I think the second question you asked me was like why do I do what I do? And it's because the world needs it, you know, to really end generational trauma, for people to know that their power to live their life as creators and not just go through life unconsciously surviving yeah, I see that all the time.

Speaker 1: 46:23

So if someone wanted to either work with you and get this help, or they wanted to be trained by you to do this work, where do they?

Speaker 2: 46:31

go. So you can go to my website, trainingcampforthesoulcom. You could read about the offerings. My freebies are on there too, and you can schedule a call with me. And if you want to connect outside of that, I hang out mainly on Instagram and that's where my content is and I message every new follower. You'll hear from me within a week. Yes, it is me. It's not a bot. It's not a robot.

Speaker 2: 47:02

It's not an assistant, it's me, because I love getting to know the human behind the follower and what's really going on in your world. Because if it's not my services that can support you, maybe it's somebody else, maybe it's a particular book or something, a world of knowledge and referrals. And yeah, I just want everyone to feel that they have the support that they need. So Wonderful.

Speaker 1: 47:28

I will definitely put all that in the show notes. You've given us so much good stuff that I don't know that you have anything left. But do you have something you want to leave us with?

Speaker 2: 47:55

Yes, yes, you, uh-huh. Yes, you Me, yes, and hear me when I say you have no fucking excuse. Our parents 50 years ago had excuses, had reasons. They didn't have what's available to us today. I mean, look at this podcast, amazing, the amount of resources and coaches out there and healers and methodologies, and whether it's a weekend program or a course. There's just so much that we really have no excuse to say that we can't heal.

Speaker 2: 48:25

That's so true. You owe it to yourselves because I promise you life is so much better on the other side of playing those dragons. And so the greatest gift that you could give yourself is to embark on that deep healing journey, and you owe it to yourself and future generation. We get to be the change we wish to see in the world, and the only way to feel better is get better at feeling.

Speaker 1: 48:53

I love that, All right. Thank you so much, Anat, for coming on today and sharing this with us. Thank you, Amy for having me.

Speaker 2: 49:01

Thanks listeners for tuning in.

Speaker 1: 49:05

What a powerful conversation with Anat. I hope you're walking away with not only a better understanding of what inner child work really looks like, but also a sense of possibility that healing, resilience and rewriting your story are absolutely within reach. Remember, the only way to feel better is to get better at feeling. I'll put all of the's links in the show notes so you can connect with her directly. Until next time, keep showing up for yourself, keep leaning into your healing and, most of all, keep advancing warriors.